Life Changes

Well, yes, life does change. Reading some old blog posts from my other blog and watching some old videos, I realized that I have become a diffident slave to the most universal master, i.e. Time. Well, literally speaking, I have joined the TIME classes and the journey is too nascent to be of any significance right now. The "Feasthunt" project is moving at a snail's pace and has now become more a burden than an achievement. On the job front, lack of projects have given me ample time to match up with many of the TV episodes. Although, the recent training and labs have transcended me to another level of maturity in handling our main software, Informatica, the setback in securing a seat in ISB has humbled me below par. Apparently, the most striking achievement of them all is my weight reduction (14 kilograms).

The journey I started with this blog has not ended yet, and may not end ever. After all it is the journey of "being myself". How can I ever stop being me ? It has just changed its course.

Recently, I read somewhere that the person whom you can fool the most is "yourself". These words struck me immediately. Not because I have learnt something new, but because I suddenly realized the reason for my recent failures - I have been fooling myself. I have been trying to mold myself into someone who would like to get accepted somewhere. I forgot the basics and focused on the shallow dynamics. Depth is the key, the deeper, the better. Clarity is the elixir, the clearer, the better. Time is the alibi to some astonishingly simple questions of life. The only struggle is to find them in the archives of our experiences. Those who fight this struggle, win, and those who don't, struggle.

Now, at this point of time, I am already in the middle of that struggle - a new beginning, powered by the golden archives of my life, when basics were focal points and dynamics seemed natural. As I am moving on, I am slowly realizing what were the things that were lost in the middle. Now, I just need to go back, fetch them, and continue being myself.

Diary 224: No Office and No Tv series day

Yesterday I slept at around 3:00 am. Today I woke up at 9:30 am. I brushed my teeth, and then helped my mom to set up the room before the workers came in for further renovation work. After that, it was all news and news. I read the news articles from various backgrounds and tried to grasp all the things slowly and steadily. I was not in a hurry. Also, in between, I started working on the Code generator user guide. There was no TV series now, because of all the megavideo block thing. I came to know that one of the owners of the site is named Dotcom, who is a computer genius. He has a history of hacking into major sites including famous banks, pentagon etc. Anyways, after all this, I wrote the third entry in my new blog. Let's see how that blog spans out. I spent most of the time after that on TV and youtube videos. Then, I had some Tea, and later  had my dinner and left for Gym. I came back, watched the TV for a while. Then, I wrote this diary and now I watch some more Youtube videos and then sleep by 2:00 am. I plan to wake up at 5:30 am to watch the India Aus test match. It is a pride saving match, so let's see what happens.

Diary 223: Mess at home Day

Yesterday I slept at around 2:30 am. I was finishing off with the last few loaded episodes of Parenthood. Today I woke up at around 10:00 am. There was work going on at our home - some wall repairs and tile placements. So, the rooms were messy. There was dust all around and we had to relocate few of the things to other places. Most of the day was spent in front of the TV. Later in the evening, we cleaned up some of the mess. The workers were very efficient and completed two of the rooms in one day. The new tiles were looking awesome and somehow changed the acoustics of the room. There seems to be an echo now. Anyways, mom, dad and sister left for saraswati puja in CBD and I left for the gym. Nowadays, I work out everyday in order to build up my arms at a more rapid pace. I walk on the treadmill too, but for lesser duration and at faster pace than before. My present weight is give or take 74.5 kg. I came back, and opened my laptop after 18 hours. Somehow, today I was reluctant to sit in front of my laptop. Also, I came to know that ISB has started to call Mumbai applicants but it seems that even that number is now coming down. I watched the TV again for a while, then wrote this diary. Now, I plan to review the hungrydost software and then sleep by 2:00 am.

Diary 222: Return of Diary and Updates

Well, it has a long time since I posted something. I came back today mainly because megavideo.com and megaupload.com were banned by US feds, creating a panic among other video host websites, leading to no free TV episodes anymore. I realized that a significant portion of my day was spent on watching TV series and all. I guess, now it is going to change after all. Over the last few weeks, a lot of things have happened - mostly bad. 

I will start by saying that I scored only 60 %le in VA in CAT and hence didn't get calls from any IIMs other than IIM K stage I. I know that I will not clear stage II. Also, ISB has not invited me yet for an interview and it seems that it will not as the deadline is quite near. To add to my frustration, there are apparently no projects on the job front and so I am totally out of work, and time is not being utilized properly. Although Gil has asked us to get our UK Visas done, I don't see any project in the pipeline. My parents are kind of frustrated that I am not able to get into a B-School yet. My mom is worried about my marriage age and all. I still couldn't tell my parents that Rishabh is getting married. Presently, I am totally alone and I have no friends at all. I am perfectly alone and it feels bad because I have to face all the worries alone. Janani seems to be going through the same phase of her life, and so we talk or message sometimes. I am losing hair at an alarming rate and I fear that my bad looks would soon be accentuated by baldness.

On other front, more recently, I have tried to keep a positive approach towards life and promised to change myself for the better. I am planning to join guitar classes, so that I can get more social interaction rather than sitting idle and watching sitcoms all day. Also, once I get the rejection letter from ISB, I will go on full throttle towards my MBA goal. I plan to approach a education consultant to help me with my applications. Also, I will join TIME full time and try to bell the CAT. I am keeping hopes up by trying to understand myself. I came to know that my personality type is INTJ, which indicates that I am quite rare and intelligent, and that I should be proud to be one. I am trying to overcome my weaknesses with the help of that and also further my strengths rather than wasting time. Also, it seems that Akshay is also leaving Feasthunt and so it is all me now, but I am not distracted and will continue to move on. I reviewed the software on a preliminary basis and it was quite good. Website is also looking much better and unique than before. I am using this link to understand myself in a better way and move towards success. Let's see where it all leads.

Diary 221: Quarterly Review and Christmas Celebration Day

Yesterday I slept at around 2:00 am. Today I woke up at 7:20 am and realized that I would not be able to make it to office, so I decided to leave late for office. Sushma has planned some celebrations for Christmas and so I decided to go. I woke up finally at 10:00 am, and got ready for Office. I left home and reached office at around 12:15 pm. The office was decorated nicely with balloons and shiny ribbons. Anyways, today was quarterly review day and I was worried, mainly because of my office attendance thing. Well, as it turns out, I got 1 out of 5 in office attendance. Overall, I got 315 out of 500, which comes under the A rating. A+ is the highest that one can get. I was fine with the rating but when the bonus amount was disclosed, I was kind of shocked. It was only 8% , where the maximum was 15%. I was quiet and angry for some time, and diverted my attention by filling in the Visa form and all, but later Ankit himself asked me about the feedback as Rohit was also not happy with it. I showed him logically that it is wrong that I got only 8% of the bonus. He tried to convince me by saying that my review was the best and all, but I was not satisfied and not flattered. Anyways, finally Ankit informed Gil and he agreed to give me 10%. I didn't talk to Gil directly but I hope he understood the logical part and the alignment of the rating with the bonus. Even, by simple, unitary method the percentage bonus comes out to be 9.45. So, it was quite less. Later part of the day, I worked quietly and tried to take matter in my hands. The code generator project seemed to be in my hands now and so I decided to handle it now. After office, I came back home and worked on it further. After getting the necessary code from Rohit, I continued working and rectified his code to work alongside mine. I realized that I need to make my presence felt to cross the 400 mark. After from all this, we had lunch outside, we cut cake and drank sprite. I left office at 5:30 pm and reached home at 8:00 pm. I continued working and then went to Gym. Today was cardio day. I came back, had some food and then again started working. Later, I uploaded all the necessary files and wrote this diary. Also, yesterday I decided that I would sing Tu Ashiqui hai and Ashayein in the new year's party of our society. I even recorded a demo of ashayein and it turned out to be good enough. Now, I plan to watch TV episodes and then sleep by 3:00 am.