Songs till date

This post is just a simple collection of songs that I know how to play in guitar. May be not perfectly, but still somehow and with almost 95% accuracy. It is measured with respect to the closeness to the original in terms of timing and guitar chords. Here, I am mostly referring to the rhythm guitar.

Further, I have also recorded some songs, though with limited knowledge, just because I was desperate to see how it comes. I have added a section on that too. 

And Finally, I have performed few with minimum possible knowledge and in the fastest way possible.

This post will help me figure out how perfectly I need to know the chords of songs and keep a tab on songs which I could perform whenever someone asks or something comes up.

I know:
1. Wonderwall (Oasis)
2. Sun Raha hai
3. Galliyan
4. Yaaron Dosti
5. Kholo Kholo (TZP)
6. Paani Da Rang
7. Aashayein (Iqbal)
8. Comfortably Numb
9. Nothing else matters
10. For Whom the bell tolls
11. Zombie
12. Bheegi Bheegi (Gangster)

I recorded:
Covers
1. Tere Bina (Fuzon)
2. Teri Yaadien (Love Story)
3. Pukaarta Chala Hoon Main
4. Mitwa (KANK)
5. Yaaron Dosti

Originals
1. Saara Jahaan
2. Sabreena
3. Naa Koi
4. Moder Jagaye

I performed:
1. Nadaan Parindey
2. Yeh Jo Desh hai tera
3. Dil se (Different version)
4. Vande Maataram
5. Maaeri
6. Dil Chahta hai
7. Rolling in the Deep
8. O HumDum Suniyo re
9. Dil ko Tumse Pyaar
10. Khamaj (Fuzon)
11. Saawan me lag gayi aag
12. Gulabi Aakhein
13. Jodi tor Daak shune keu (Bengali)
14. Aamake aamar moto (Bengali)

Two years

Past two years, lot of things have changed. But the most important change has been my attitude. When I read my old blog posts, I see so much lack of confidence and enmity for the world around, but now I am at peace with those things.  This doesn't mean that I am problem free. New deeper and serious problems have come up.

I have realized that just earning and living a straightforward life is not for me. I have to keep doing something else to keep myself satisfied. It may be something in the domain of my passion - music or anything new which I have not explored yet. But, just drifting through life is not enough for me.

I am now even more confused about love than before. Earlier, I thought I would be very happy to find someone who loves me, but I realized that something is seriously wrong with me in this respect. I am an extreme commitment phobic. I always keep thinking - "What if there is a better possibility in future?". I just can't let this question go out of my head. I don't know whether I would be able to come out of this any sooner, but I will try my best.

I now feel satisfied with my performance in B-school. I have no regrets academically. I ended up in the top 50 (out of 450). I tried to be as attentive and as serious as possible with respect to studies. Also, I earned great respect from my group mates. With respect to placements, I got a decent paying job with least possible pain. I guess my undergraduate college credentials came in handy. 

I am now not so sure about drinking. I had become quite an alcoholic, but the pleasure it used to give me earlier is not the same anymore. Earlier, I would feel free and talk with people whom I used to drink with, but now I just stop talking after drinking, and just try to control myself of any misdoings.

I don't see every girl as a possibility now. In fact, it is quite the contrary. I restrict myself now. Earlier, I used to see the possibility of a girl being the one for me, but I have given up now. With the relationship I am in, howsoever complicated it might be, I somehow am trying to control myself from doing it. It hurts and feels boring but eventually I have to adjust to such a situation. It might seem odd to few, but this is how it is. I am a bit weird in this respect.

Pursuit of Happyness :-)

I still remember the scene from the movie when Will Smith walked out from the office and was clueless in the midst of the swarming and aimless crowd. He claimed that the feeling then and there, the small part of his life, was "happiness". 

The day the CAT results were to be announced, I knew that it could make a great difference in my life, my approach further, my belief and also my confidence towards everything. But, I was prepared to handle both the scenarios. I told myself, I am still young and can lead my life any way I want to, with no restrictions. I didn't hate my job, neither did I have any particular stream to look forward to. I knew that whatever happens, I have to keep moving and gain as much knowledge as possible, and to understand the world as much as I can in my life time. I have learned that when one starts living one's own life, he/she can excel in anything he/she wants to.

As expected, it was 12:00 am, and the servers were dead. No one was able to access the website. Given this, I disabled my temporary Facebook account, switched off my phone and started watching some random TV series. I was prepared for the worst. Various thoughts went through my mind, the most prominent one was the look on the face of my grandfather once he knows what my result is. I didn't want to disappoint him, but I was prepared for that too. I have learned to forgive myself now otherwise I would just keep apologizing each second for the countless mistakes I have done in my life with respect to family, friends, love, passion and what not. I also thought of my friends from PG, how they changed my life, how the interaction has gone beyond a normal online relationship, and how my inherently lonely soul was finally finding a channel to speak out, bring smiles to other's faces and after a long time laugh genuinely. I somehow had a belief that they would support me, be it adversity or the reverse. This was a big change from the shy, diffident, and lonely character who used to reside in my head. I never took so many people for granted before this. It felt good.

At around 5:00 am, I was able to access the result. While, I opened the page, I had a photo frame of God in my hands. Situations like these make me weak somehow and I turn to something to hold on. When I saw the results page, I was quiet. I saved the page. Suddenly, my sister opened the door and asked me what happened. I told her, and she said - "Yeah, it is quite good, very good in fact". I nodded. I logged onto PG, and noticed that one of my close friends has also scored quite well, but was on the border line with respect to chance of calls. I posted my result, and the flurry of congratulations started appearing, and I was still calm. I started asking people about their results and found out that most of my close friends didn't score well. I remembered the feeling I had got last year on the same occasion, and so I tried to relate to their thoughts. Consequently, I got more involved in talking to those friends rather than replying to congratulation messages. 

One year back

One year back, I was happy. But now I am drowning in the water of my own eyes.

One year back, I believed memories are good. But now, they are a burden, holding me back in moments.

One year back, I was rational. Now, I can't reason the unpredictable.

One year back, I wanted people to listen. Now, I can't speak.

One year back, I thought I was growing. Now, it seems I am back to where I started.

The Greatest Gift

Yes, this is going to be philosophical per se. I just can't help myself. I love to think, over think sometimes, but yes I do. 

People long for gifts. So much that they would exchange pleasantries and wait for the guests to just leave as quickly as possible, of course, after having a dinner or a lunch, that, to show some social courtesy and all. 

I never cherished material goods. Yes, as a child, I wanted few toys here and there, only because I was curious to know what is that toy all about. But now, when I am an adult, not only legally but also mentally, I don't even buy a new pair of jeans unless I am completely out of anything to cover my lower body. Yes, that type. My mom and dad have been asking me to go for some random shopping, but I have been procrastinating it. Well, let's just jump to the main point. 

Today, I got the greatest gift of my life. And as you might have guessed it, it is not some precious and expensive stone, toy or the type. My gift is priceless. It will not perish till my death, and no one can take it away from me. But I will say that I was lucky to receive that gift, because there was every possibility that the gift could have vanished in thin air, and no one would have known. Tonight, before I close the door to my room, I heard a simple line that completely changed my attitude towards life. My grandfather said - "Apai is the best of the lot". Within nano-seconds, a flood of emotions engulfed me. Lots of memories, full of accusations, mistakes, glories and set-backs started rushing through the mind gates. Finally, someone understood me. Finally someone was in resonance with me and appreciated me in the right way. This was genuine, right from the heart, from the most experienced person of the family, which has no dearth of talented or professionally successful individuals. But he chose me, not because of those worldly glories, but because of the inherent me. The actual me, who is hidden there inside, away from the world, suffers in silence, and smiles with humility. I find it tough to be honest about how I feel about someone, but all doubts vanish when it is him. When all failed, even my own parents, he understood me. He amazes me. I guess that is what true life experience is. I salute you, Dadu. I pray for your long life, and wish to see you holding my child in your arms.