There was a time when I used to challenge myself to be a better singer, a better guitarist and a better composer, but considering the recent events of my life, I am not totally feeling very confident about anything. Well, it is always about comparisons and progressions for me. I have been feeling for a quite a while now that I am not at the place where I ought to be. This has both positive and negative angles to it. Sometimes I feel that I deserve much more success in life than I have now, a better job, where I am making an impact everyday, moving ahead of others, getting my name in newspapers and magazines, a unique domain of my own. At other times, I feel that I am the biggest loser possible and I don't deserve even what I have. This is a crazy situation and always keeps me low in life, and hurts my confidence a lot. Even though I have some achievements and developed a good reputation for my past, I don't feel special, I don't feel that my work is at all affecting anything in this world.
During my college days, I just shut myself up from the outside world. I wasted tons and tons of hours watching TV series and movies. I realize now, how exciting the field of electrical and electronics is. I guess, I just didn't like the culture at my college. I just couldn't gel with the people there. I always wanted to be at the top, but when I couldn't I just gave up and assumed that I am the worst student ever. I forgot how it felt to top the class and what it took to top it. The only positive thing that happened in college was Music. I learnt the guitar on my own, I performed songs on stage, I composed songs, recorded them too, but I was always stubborn about getting trained in Music. I just assumed that I cannot get trained. Well, during the whole college period I was one stubborn individual - I didn't attend classes because I didn't like the people in my class, but the fact is - the only person who lost in this process was me. Although, the whole college experience was an eye opener, it is still a hindrance for me until I get into higher studies (MBA preferably). I have realized how important it is to extract the best of an opportunity. That's why once I left college and joined a job, I told myself that I won't let myself go into that area again. It was tough to change course, I succeeded for quite a while but then there were few speed breakers on the way.
Well, right now the only thing on my mind is getting an MBA, because that would not only put me into a better position knowledge wise but would also provide me an opportunity to redeem myself by not committing the same mistakes again. Recent set-backs have put me on a back foot but I will keep trying one way or the other.
Music in the title of the post is not specifically related to Music, but it is the smooth flow of thoughts and ideas in my mind. It is that confidence and lack of fear which paved the way of success earlier. I must learn to forgive myself first, and move on to achieve new heights. I have my own example in front of me. I just have to revisit my strengths- patience, perseverance and dedication. The only competition for me is ME. No one can stop me from being what I want other than ME. It is the single greatest fact of life.
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