A Life Destroyed

Some people say that I destroyed a life recently. Well, the fact is even my life is destroyed. My guilt levels are at an all time high. My self confidence is gone. I can't apply my brain to anything - not even music. Finance concepts are something that appear alien to me. Physically, I feel tired and feverish all the time now. The internal balance and peace are gone. I thought work would be exciting. It is actually. But, I have no energy, be it physical or mental, to pursue and learn at the potential I had or have. I just can't think clearly. If I go this way, I have to live life like a puppet. If I go the other way, my life may end as I know it. 

Every little beautiful memory had been torn apart. Be it a harmless laugh with a friend, a song written for an almost terminal stranger or even my academic credentials, every such a little thing has been maligned. Earlier, I used to live with a hope that future beholds the great times. But, the future is here and there is nothing great here. All I have is guilt. I have hurt someone badly is all my brain can register and nothing else. I need a change. The situation at home has also been maligned by it. The balance was so beautiful, so adorable but it is all gone now. Fights, anger and rage has taken over. There is internal turmoil and very little patience for anything. Acceptance and gratitude has taken a back seat.
I need to start from zero again. The battle is on again. Let's see who wins it.