Two years

Past two years, lot of things have changed. But the most important change has been my attitude. When I read my old blog posts, I see so much lack of confidence and enmity for the world around, but now I am at peace with those things.  This doesn't mean that I am problem free. New deeper and serious problems have come up.

I have realized that just earning and living a straightforward life is not for me. I have to keep doing something else to keep myself satisfied. It may be something in the domain of my passion - music or anything new which I have not explored yet. But, just drifting through life is not enough for me.

I am now even more confused about love than before. Earlier, I thought I would be very happy to find someone who loves me, but I realized that something is seriously wrong with me in this respect. I am an extreme commitment phobic. I always keep thinking - "What if there is a better possibility in future?". I just can't let this question go out of my head. I don't know whether I would be able to come out of this any sooner, but I will try my best.

I now feel satisfied with my performance in B-school. I have no regrets academically. I ended up in the top 50 (out of 450). I tried to be as attentive and as serious as possible with respect to studies. Also, I earned great respect from my group mates. With respect to placements, I got a decent paying job with least possible pain. I guess my undergraduate college credentials came in handy. 

I am now not so sure about drinking. I had become quite an alcoholic, but the pleasure it used to give me earlier is not the same anymore. Earlier, I would feel free and talk with people whom I used to drink with, but now I just stop talking after drinking, and just try to control myself of any misdoings.

I don't see every girl as a possibility now. In fact, it is quite the contrary. I restrict myself now. Earlier, I used to see the possibility of a girl being the one for me, but I have given up now. With the relationship I am in, howsoever complicated it might be, I somehow am trying to control myself from doing it. It hurts and feels boring but eventually I have to adjust to such a situation. It might seem odd to few, but this is how it is. I am a bit weird in this respect.